oh my lordy – going down?

Handy info for everyone who ever wondered – in fact everything you ever wanted to know about cunnilingus but were too afraid to ask. Even my friends who are well-versed in the art will find the frankness amusing.

http://content.libida.com/how-to-cunnilingus

I’ve given some thought to the missing verb in ‘how to cunnilingus’. Do is clumsy, but I hardly want to criminalise the act with commit. Engage in makes it sound like you can only do it in marriage or a toilet cubicle; what’s left – execute? How to Execute Cunnilingus.

a wild party and a hung parliament

Whew; what a night. Intense, spectacular, moving, hilarious, inspiring. A chance to enjoy our friends, and what fine folk they are indeed – and how they revelled in the costume challenge of genderfuck. Winners were voted  in various categories of sartorial achievement: finest subtle transfomation (Max), finest, ahem, sock (oh names names; some gorgeous young friend of a friend), most dramatic straight male transformation (ooh Kenny!), girl we were all hot for as a man (after much discussion and talk of a dance-off, Deborah), and most glorious queen (Mimo, in my mermaid wig; no contest in the absence of Mr d’Silva, since Mimo’s friend came as a flat-chested lesbian, aka himself).

The 70s punch bowl was filled with Mirjam’s infamous rum/orange/champagne/ice cream punch, the fairy lights were twinkling, Pablo was mixing tunes from Mirjam’s iPod, and all manner of magical encounters were occurring. It was a fitting celebration for the return of Mirjam to Pembroke/tiny rhinos.

Tsk. I should’ve got Mimo to do the prize awards with me. Next time. We’ve promised another party if there’s another election, and I’ve a birthday coming up anyway.

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gruenhq In case you missed it: @oldspice Hello Australia. Look at your Parliament, now back at me. Sadly, it isn’t me, but it is hung like me.

mystery-coated chocolate

The other day I reached into the box of tissues beside my bed to get the last one, and my hand closed around… a small chocolate bar. I can’t begin to tell you what bemusement this brings. How long has this little foil-wrapped treasure been hiding there? Who would’ve put it there? How do I find out? (It seems kind of uncouth to go around asking people… after all, I can’t even guess how many weeks or months it took to go through that big box of tissues – it seems an indelicate question… ‘did you, um, when you were at my place, might you’ve…’ and if they didn’t, I’ve obviously let them into someone else’s intimate joke.)

I do hope that somehow, whoever it was gets to hear that I am searching for them without me broadcasting my confusion too indiscreetly. Then, having had the satisfaction of seeing me thoroughly mystified, they can gain the further satisfaction of enlightening me – so that I in turn, having enjoyed the pleasure of not knowing, may also have the pleasure of knowing.